Attachment Parenting: Changes for Jax and Bella

   One of the most amazing things about becoming a 'mom of two' is the advantage of knowing how things have gone well and how they haven't. What dreams or hopes for the family, flown by the wayside over the past few years, can be renewed. Experience teaches what works and what may not. When preparing for Jax, I read the cookie cutter books for new moms- What to Expect When You're Expecting in particular (We'll save my newer opinions of books like these for another day), but I also stumbled upon some information about Attachment Parenting. The basics of Attachment parenting include many of the 'no-duh' parts of caring compassionately for babies and children, and they dismiss concepts from 'baby trainers' such as rigid schedules, letting infants 'cry it out', and other one size fits all approaches. Things such as bonding techniques at birth, breastfeeding, babywearing, and cosleeping all made sense to me and are fundamental aspects of AP. And then, while I remembered some of these ideas when Jax was a newborn, ultimately we were stressed parents, spread too thin between work and strained communication to allow me (us) to succeed at nurturing many of these concepts with him.
     Jax has always found a way to test limits- mine, his own, Dean's...anyone's for that matter. He wears his emotions out there for everyone to feel and see, incapable of dialing it down to keep things to himself. Jax is a proud big brother and an attention hog, and is always ready to include whatever stranger on the curb in his current thoughts and interests.
     Jax challenges me every day to remain patient with his questions- why did the Lorax say not to cut down the trees? When can we go to the grocery store? Not now? So Mom, I was thinking we could go to the swings and the park on our way? Why does Bella have feet? If I feed you a cracker, does Bella get it when she's nursing? If you're chewing something can she taste it? Some questions he has are simple, like why is it raining? We talk about a simplified version of rain, where the clouds are full of moisture which they can't hold anymore, and thus,  it rains. Some questions are not so simple: why is GG in Heaven? Is he an Angel? Can he come back? Is he in my heart? Does that mean I share my juice with GG? Why is that man sitting on the curb with a sign and a cup? Does he need juice?I try to remind myself his incessant quizzing is just reassurance for him. Things are constant, unchanging, and his memory is just flexing newly built muscle every day. The routine of his own expectations leads his questions, dependent upon the fact that yes, we have indeed discussed this before, or dependent upon his own comfort and experiences with home and family- asking why a child who may not have been behaving nicely did not have his listening ears, or checking with me about why a baby is crying. Yes, I'm sure the baby is fine, she just doesn't have any words yet to say what she needs.
    Jax has taught me more about myself than I ever imagined possible- some of it that I may not particularly like at that! Used to being my partner in crime for four years, my little man has new and improved ways to test me and push my buttons now that he may not necessarily have the limelight to himself. I was never as aware of my idiosyncrasies until Jax started handing them back to me on a silver platter, complete with a side of sarcasm to boot. When his index finger points to the air and he says 'Bipp bip bip!' I about fall over. Partly because its cute and funny (although I won't ever tell him that), and partly because I worry I actually may sound like that!
     Pushing buttons is always part of a little one's repertoire, and it became a regular event around our home with the arrival of Bella. While Jax has remained endearing and compassionate towards his new sister, I have been on the receiving end of some fresh behavior I could almost call resentment. I know its simply a reaction to my 'interests' being elsewhere, nursing Bella and otherwise taking care of 'baby things', but sometimes it can be easy to take it personally.
 Learning all over again how to involve Jax with whatever I may be doing has been interesting to say the least! Luckily time passes and while I was taking time in Bella's earliest days to get to know her own unique rhythm, Jax had plenty of time with Daddy, his Gams, and his fabulous Aunts Meg and Michelle, and Uncle Frank.
     Now as we've evolved into our family of four, I am taken by how much the relationship between Jax and I has strengthened. We have had time together I am now afraid of possibly losing in  just a few weeks- the thought of returning to work looms heavily overhead. No longer am I distracted by having to rush us out the door every morning to drop him at preschool before I go to work. No longer is he surprised if I were to pick him up- often I wouldn't be out of work in time and his Gams (my mother) would whisk him into her wonderful arms and bring him home. No longer am I missing out on his smiles or something special. No longer am I trying to get so many things done on a day off we miss out on 'together time'. Now we fill our days simply, with walks, playing eye spy, reading stories we pick out at the library. We now have time every single day to indulge him in as many repetitions of Where the Wild Things Are as he would like.  We take trips to the swings at the tiny playground in town, and walk over to the farmstand to say hello. Every day is a 'mommy day' instead of a 'school day' or a 'gammy day'. And all along, little Bella is tucked into her sling, soaking it all in behind her dreaming eyelids.
     I can't say how much I have the concept of 'Attachment Parenting' to thank for how well I feel things are going for us since Bella has become apart of our family. It is a concept I have returned to since becoming pregnant with her. AP is something I have learned from, and will continue learning from. The gentle coaxing of a happy infant emanates through everything in our home- even if she has an occasional episode of cranky, staying cool and listening to our own little language is all we need to do. I can say that credit is due for the fact that at some point in my life, I've finally learned to give myself permission to make life a learning process. It may not go perfectly every day, but we just brush off and continue on to the next moment we have together.