Those of you who are close to me may already know I made a huge decision last week. This was a choice that was both terrifying and exhilarating to make all at the same time. In a time where in society the most frightening thing could be losing a job, I left mine. Truth be told, I was clogging up the corporate works, at this point in my life not feeling any ambition to move forward to a more challenging position but not feeling particularly fulfilled with my current one. We also needed to finally answer the question: Maine or Massachusetts?
The question of where our family belongs together has lingered on and on for quite some time. Circumstances found us splitting our time between the two places, me with Jax in Massachusetts and Dean with his job in Maine. We were traveling back and forth, hoping to figure out where we belonged, all while hoping to make whatever transition as easy as possible on Jax. I was (am) biased to Massachusetts: my entire family is there, the schools are great. I like to call it White Picket Fence Land. Moving us back to Maine meant living where the nearest 'good' grocery store is 45 miles away, off the Mountain. I'm not convinced by the school (yes, one school), few job opportunities, and there is a lot of Small Town Syndrome that goes around up there.
Then a little hitch in our plans came about: Bella. We were delighted to discover we would be adding to our family. But the questions remained, except they started sounding more like "what in the heck are we going to do?". Choices in maternity care and better insurance coverage kept me in Massachusetts until Bella was born. And as the twelve weeks I planned on taking off from work has been winding down, we started to weigh what really matters for our family. The answer for us, is time. The long winter season lends Dean a more free work schedule. Time together as a family is a precious commodity we are going to get so much of this winter that we could possibly find ourselves tired of it- but after nearly two years of back and forth its what we crave.
Choosing not to stay on with my work is terrifying, but so exciting at the same time. I worked for a great company, but managing a department in a grocery store is anything but glamorous, and is unforgiving when a priority is family time. Hours start early and end late, and the busiest days for customers are the weekends and holidays. Add that to having to depend largely on the reliability and emotions of a college student workforce- not necessarily a bad thing as a whole but we all know the phrases about one bad apple spoiling the bunch. I was told my position would be changing, possibly making me be on the sales floor to begin work by 5am (with an exclusively breastfed infant? And Dean sometimes not getting off work until midnight?). On top of this, Dean is a classically trained chef, working at the executive level. A move for him would almost certainly mean a job in Boston- putting him there 100 hours a week and only perpetuating us never having time together. Doable? Sure. But our willingness to push the envelope of our family's limits is done.
We're now officially in the mountains, figuring out how we'll settle in for the winter, in Maine. And part of that wild frenzy of how's and what if's: how is this going to work? What on Earth am I going to do with my extremely high-energy, almost five year old and an infant, regularly snowed in, for an entire winter in Maine??? (yes, winters here are longer, colder, and snowier than a lot of places. We can only sled so much). How long will Jax ask if we are returning to Massachusetts? He has taken the brunt of this back and forth. What about preschool for him? Jax was attending the Taj Mahal of schools in Massachusetts- a fully accredited preschool, pre K, and kindegarten which practically promised to have children reading novels and solving world hunger by the first grade.
A lot of questions float ahead of us but the one thing for certain is this: the pressure is off. And it is wonderful. Yes, I'll need to do some kind of work, things may be tight, but now I may even be able to take some time to really ask myself what I'd like to enjoy doing- and how I can creatively do that in a way we can healthily balance the quality family knit we're so happy to have achieved
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
What a beautiful weekend!
On Saturday, Columbus Day Weekend, the weather was so absolutely beautiful, it was hard to believe. In the area I am in Maine, this weekend usually marks the first snowflakes in the air and bids goodbye to the last 'summer' people who are heading south to the palm trees and green grass of Florida. Amazingly, this year we were blessed with warm sunshine, 73 degrees, a light breeze, blue skies, and the foliage still holding on to their great colors.
I like to try to get Jax outside to the little park in town at least a few days a week. Right now we're living in an apartment which is small, but just the right size for us. The disadvantage is that our outside play space is minimal, and with neighbors often outside on our side by side decks smoking (ick), we don't enjoy it as our first option to get out. The idea is *fresh* air. This morning, like other days, we brought Dean into work, had a big breakfast at the restaurant, and then walked to the park. Jax had fun playing on the swings, and running like a wild child around the little playground. Then we started to walk back, and took a diversion to go see the dam nearby.
When we were walking to the dam I was struck by one of those sentimental mommy moments watching and listening to Jax. It is so amazing to see him happy, engaged, and excited about seemingly simple things, like a quick walk to peek at how fast the water is pouring through a small dam. Then as the morning wore on, we headed home to do some chores and so I could nurse Bella, who would be waking up sometime soon after our walk.
Later after lunch, the 'sleepies' were hitting me hard, and I seriously could have snuck a nap in the recliner- Bella would snooze right along with me, and Jax would oblige with a DVD. I blinked my eyes closed for a second, then looked at Jax, about to become a movie zombie on this beautiful weekend. 'Jax? Why don't you get the soccer ball, we'll bring it back to the playground,' I heard myself saying.
I pulled myself out of the sleepies, packed the kiddos up and we headed back to the park. Running, kicking, and chasing the soccer ball was just what we needed. Bella snoozed away in the BOB stroller, and we soaked up the warm sun. He and I got in some much needed one on one time, and all I could think about was how great it feels to see Jax happy. We see him happy all the time, but sometimes its easy not to feel it *with* him.
I sat in the grass and watched Jax on the playground, we had it all to ourselves, and nursed Bella for the first time in 'public' (gasp)- even though no one was really around. This was a big hurdle for me! I don't really mind having people around me when I'm nursing, but in public people are often bothered by breastfeeding (more on *that* later). It was great not to have to tell Jax that we needed to end his fun for Bella. I am looking forward to us learning how to nurse in a sling, to be even more portable!
On Sunday, we packed up and drove to Massachusetts for a few days to visit and to soak up another favorite thing of mine, my family. We'll be heading up to the store to find some fabric for a baby sling project, and I'll be testing out a product for washing cloth diapers. Coming soon for my blog will be an in depth look at breastfeeding in society, and a look at maternity care and midwifery. Some things may be serious, but don't worry- I also have 'big, exciting plans' for product reviews of items essential to babywearing and cloth diapering as I learn about them, and fun things too! At some point I will start figuring out my first giveaway too!! I'd also like to say hello to any new followers from this weeks Blog Hop! I am still catching up on following all 80-something blog participants, but am so excited to be a part of the fun!! See you next time...
I like to try to get Jax outside to the little park in town at least a few days a week. Right now we're living in an apartment which is small, but just the right size for us. The disadvantage is that our outside play space is minimal, and with neighbors often outside on our side by side decks smoking (ick), we don't enjoy it as our first option to get out. The idea is *fresh* air. This morning, like other days, we brought Dean into work, had a big breakfast at the restaurant, and then walked to the park. Jax had fun playing on the swings, and running like a wild child around the little playground. Then we started to walk back, and took a diversion to go see the dam nearby.
When we were walking to the dam I was struck by one of those sentimental mommy moments watching and listening to Jax. It is so amazing to see him happy, engaged, and excited about seemingly simple things, like a quick walk to peek at how fast the water is pouring through a small dam. Then as the morning wore on, we headed home to do some chores and so I could nurse Bella, who would be waking up sometime soon after our walk.
Later after lunch, the 'sleepies' were hitting me hard, and I seriously could have snuck a nap in the recliner- Bella would snooze right along with me, and Jax would oblige with a DVD. I blinked my eyes closed for a second, then looked at Jax, about to become a movie zombie on this beautiful weekend. 'Jax? Why don't you get the soccer ball, we'll bring it back to the playground,' I heard myself saying.
I pulled myself out of the sleepies, packed the kiddos up and we headed back to the park. Running, kicking, and chasing the soccer ball was just what we needed. Bella snoozed away in the BOB stroller, and we soaked up the warm sun. He and I got in some much needed one on one time, and all I could think about was how great it feels to see Jax happy. We see him happy all the time, but sometimes its easy not to feel it *with* him.
I sat in the grass and watched Jax on the playground, we had it all to ourselves, and nursed Bella for the first time in 'public' (gasp)- even though no one was really around. This was a big hurdle for me! I don't really mind having people around me when I'm nursing, but in public people are often bothered by breastfeeding (more on *that* later). It was great not to have to tell Jax that we needed to end his fun for Bella. I am looking forward to us learning how to nurse in a sling, to be even more portable!
On Sunday, we packed up and drove to Massachusetts for a few days to visit and to soak up another favorite thing of mine, my family. We'll be heading up to the store to find some fabric for a baby sling project, and I'll be testing out a product for washing cloth diapers. Coming soon for my blog will be an in depth look at breastfeeding in society, and a look at maternity care and midwifery. Some things may be serious, but don't worry- I also have 'big, exciting plans' for product reviews of items essential to babywearing and cloth diapering as I learn about them, and fun things too! At some point I will start figuring out my first giveaway too!! I'd also like to say hello to any new followers from this weeks Blog Hop! I am still catching up on following all 80-something blog participants, but am so excited to be a part of the fun!! See you next time...
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Attachment Parenting: Changes for Jax and Bella
One of the most amazing things about becoming a 'mom of two' is the advantage of knowing how things have gone well and how they haven't. What dreams or hopes for the family, flown by the wayside over the past few years, can be renewed. Experience teaches what works and what may not. When preparing for Jax, I read the cookie cutter books for new moms- What to Expect When You're Expecting in particular (We'll save my newer opinions of books like these for another day), but I also stumbled upon some information about Attachment Parenting. The basics of Attachment parenting include many of the 'no-duh' parts of caring compassionately for babies and children, and they dismiss concepts from 'baby trainers' such as rigid schedules, letting infants 'cry it out', and other one size fits all approaches. Things such as bonding techniques at birth, breastfeeding, babywearing, and cosleeping all made sense to me and are fundamental aspects of AP. And then, while I remembered some of these ideas when Jax was a newborn, ultimately we were stressed parents, spread too thin between work and strained communication to allow me (us) to succeed at nurturing many of these concepts with him.
Jax has always found a way to test limits- mine, his own, Dean's...anyone's for that matter. He wears his emotions out there for everyone to feel and see, incapable of dialing it down to keep things to himself. Jax is a proud big brother and an attention hog, and is always ready to include whatever stranger on the curb in his current thoughts and interests.
Jax challenges me every day to remain patient with his questions- why did the Lorax say not to cut down the trees? When can we go to the grocery store? Not now? So Mom, I was thinking we could go to the swings and the park on our way? Why does Bella have feet? If I feed you a cracker, does Bella get it when she's nursing? If you're chewing something can she taste it? Some questions he has are simple, like why is it raining? We talk about a simplified version of rain, where the clouds are full of moisture which they can't hold anymore, and thus, it rains. Some questions are not so simple: why is GG in Heaven? Is he an Angel? Can he come back? Is he in my heart? Does that mean I share my juice with GG? Why is that man sitting on the curb with a sign and a cup? Does he need juice?I try to remind myself his incessant quizzing is just reassurance for him. Things are constant, unchanging, and his memory is just flexing newly built muscle every day. The routine of his own expectations leads his questions, dependent upon the fact that yes, we have indeed discussed this before, or dependent upon his own comfort and experiences with home and family- asking why a child who may not have been behaving nicely did not have his listening ears, or checking with me about why a baby is crying. Yes, I'm sure the baby is fine, she just doesn't have any words yet to say what she needs.
Jax has taught me more about myself than I ever imagined possible- some of it that I may not particularly like at that! Used to being my partner in crime for four years, my little man has new and improved ways to test me and push my buttons now that he may not necessarily have the limelight to himself. I was never as aware of my idiosyncrasies until Jax started handing them back to me on a silver platter, complete with a side of sarcasm to boot. When his index finger points to the air and he says 'Bipp bip bip!' I about fall over. Partly because its cute and funny (although I won't ever tell him that), and partly because I worry I actually may sound like that!
Pushing buttons is always part of a little one's repertoire, and it became a regular event around our home with the arrival of Bella. While Jax has remained endearing and compassionate towards his new sister, I have been on the receiving end of some fresh behavior I could almost call resentment. I know its simply a reaction to my 'interests' being elsewhere, nursing Bella and otherwise taking care of 'baby things', but sometimes it can be easy to take it personally.
Learning all over again how to involve Jax with whatever I may be doing has been interesting to say the least! Luckily time passes and while I was taking time in Bella's earliest days to get to know her own unique rhythm, Jax had plenty of time with Daddy, his Gams, and his fabulous Aunts Meg and Michelle, and Uncle Frank.
Now as we've evolved into our family of four, I am taken by how much the relationship between Jax and I has strengthened. We have had time together I am now afraid of possibly losing in just a few weeks- the thought of returning to work looms heavily overhead. No longer am I distracted by having to rush us out the door every morning to drop him at preschool before I go to work. No longer is he surprised if I were to pick him up- often I wouldn't be out of work in time and his Gams (my mother) would whisk him into her wonderful arms and bring him home. No longer am I missing out on his smiles or something special. No longer am I trying to get so many things done on a day off we miss out on 'together time'. Now we fill our days simply, with walks, playing eye spy, reading stories we pick out at the library. We now have time every single day to indulge him in as many repetitions of Where the Wild Things Are as he would like. We take trips to the swings at the tiny playground in town, and walk over to the farmstand to say hello. Every day is a 'mommy day' instead of a 'school day' or a 'gammy day'. And all along, little Bella is tucked into her sling, soaking it all in behind her dreaming eyelids.
I can't say how much I have the concept of 'Attachment Parenting' to thank for how well I feel things are going for us since Bella has become apart of our family. It is a concept I have returned to since becoming pregnant with her. AP is something I have learned from, and will continue learning from. The gentle coaxing of a happy infant emanates through everything in our home- even if she has an occasional episode of cranky, staying cool and listening to our own little language is all we need to do. I can say that credit is due for the fact that at some point in my life, I've finally learned to give myself permission to make life a learning process. It may not go perfectly every day, but we just brush off and continue on to the next moment we have together.
Jax has always found a way to test limits- mine, his own, Dean's...anyone's for that matter. He wears his emotions out there for everyone to feel and see, incapable of dialing it down to keep things to himself. Jax is a proud big brother and an attention hog, and is always ready to include whatever stranger on the curb in his current thoughts and interests.
Jax challenges me every day to remain patient with his questions- why did the Lorax say not to cut down the trees? When can we go to the grocery store? Not now? So Mom, I was thinking we could go to the swings and the park on our way? Why does Bella have feet? If I feed you a cracker, does Bella get it when she's nursing? If you're chewing something can she taste it? Some questions he has are simple, like why is it raining? We talk about a simplified version of rain, where the clouds are full of moisture which they can't hold anymore, and thus, it rains. Some questions are not so simple: why is GG in Heaven? Is he an Angel? Can he come back? Is he in my heart? Does that mean I share my juice with GG? Why is that man sitting on the curb with a sign and a cup? Does he need juice?I try to remind myself his incessant quizzing is just reassurance for him. Things are constant, unchanging, and his memory is just flexing newly built muscle every day. The routine of his own expectations leads his questions, dependent upon the fact that yes, we have indeed discussed this before, or dependent upon his own comfort and experiences with home and family- asking why a child who may not have been behaving nicely did not have his listening ears, or checking with me about why a baby is crying. Yes, I'm sure the baby is fine, she just doesn't have any words yet to say what she needs.
Jax has taught me more about myself than I ever imagined possible- some of it that I may not particularly like at that! Used to being my partner in crime for four years, my little man has new and improved ways to test me and push my buttons now that he may not necessarily have the limelight to himself. I was never as aware of my idiosyncrasies until Jax started handing them back to me on a silver platter, complete with a side of sarcasm to boot. When his index finger points to the air and he says 'Bipp bip bip!' I about fall over. Partly because its cute and funny (although I won't ever tell him that), and partly because I worry I actually may sound like that!
Pushing buttons is always part of a little one's repertoire, and it became a regular event around our home with the arrival of Bella. While Jax has remained endearing and compassionate towards his new sister, I have been on the receiving end of some fresh behavior I could almost call resentment. I know its simply a reaction to my 'interests' being elsewhere, nursing Bella and otherwise taking care of 'baby things', but sometimes it can be easy to take it personally.
Learning all over again how to involve Jax with whatever I may be doing has been interesting to say the least! Luckily time passes and while I was taking time in Bella's earliest days to get to know her own unique rhythm, Jax had plenty of time with Daddy, his Gams, and his fabulous Aunts Meg and Michelle, and Uncle Frank.
Now as we've evolved into our family of four, I am taken by how much the relationship between Jax and I has strengthened. We have had time together I am now afraid of possibly losing in just a few weeks- the thought of returning to work looms heavily overhead. No longer am I distracted by having to rush us out the door every morning to drop him at preschool before I go to work. No longer is he surprised if I were to pick him up- often I wouldn't be out of work in time and his Gams (my mother) would whisk him into her wonderful arms and bring him home. No longer am I missing out on his smiles or something special. No longer am I trying to get so many things done on a day off we miss out on 'together time'. Now we fill our days simply, with walks, playing eye spy, reading stories we pick out at the library. We now have time every single day to indulge him in as many repetitions of Where the Wild Things Are as he would like. We take trips to the swings at the tiny playground in town, and walk over to the farmstand to say hello. Every day is a 'mommy day' instead of a 'school day' or a 'gammy day'. And all along, little Bella is tucked into her sling, soaking it all in behind her dreaming eyelids.
I can't say how much I have the concept of 'Attachment Parenting' to thank for how well I feel things are going for us since Bella has become apart of our family. It is a concept I have returned to since becoming pregnant with her. AP is something I have learned from, and will continue learning from. The gentle coaxing of a happy infant emanates through everything in our home- even if she has an occasional episode of cranky, staying cool and listening to our own little language is all we need to do. I can say that credit is due for the fact that at some point in my life, I've finally learned to give myself permission to make life a learning process. It may not go perfectly every day, but we just brush off and continue on to the next moment we have together.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Introduction: Appreciating Life with Two
Hello! My name is Kate, and I am new to blogging. Just like so many people out there, I have been looking for a creative outlet and a place to share my thoughts and reflections on family life. The journey to being a mom is never ending and has so many lessons to give me every day. My amazing hubby, Dean, and I have two wonderful children, Jax and Bella.
Navigating the many choices, actions, and decisions there are for children is nothing new for any family. I have found, however, that with our second child, Bella, who is 8 weeks old, the choices we have made for her have affirmed the confidence and intuition I have as a mother and this has given me the ability to trust myself to know what is right for us and what is not. Jax, who is four now, is an energetic, vibrant ball of precocious who tested my limits and fears from day one of being pregnant. As a toddler and preschooler Jax has often taken the brunt of my busy schedule, with me running off to work early in the morning only to get stuck there late. (Thank GOODNESS for the family I am blessed with to be there to help so much!) I often gave in to the advice or admonishments of others and doubted myself to be able to do what I knew deep down would be good for him- natural birth? I hoped for it but did not arm myself (or the Hubs)with the right information, ending in a terrible, side-effect riddled induction where Jax teetered on the edge of losing him. Breastfeeding? I depended upon the trust I had with the Lactation Consultant the hospital had, who was a joke and could offer no helpful advice, and we ultimately failed. No matter how much I love Jax, deep down I was left with the feeling I had somehow let him down. I swore I would never have another baby, after the experience we had bringing Jax into the world. Why on Earth would someone want to go through that again?
Fast forward to the day we found out Bella would be joining our world. There I was, elated to have this discovery, but at the same time, panicked! The thoughts of everyday things went through my mind, How will it work with two? What about money and my job? What about the times I question if I'm cut out for being a mom to ONE, let alone two? What about the fact that I've always lusted after the idea of NOT having a job and just concentrating on the REAL job, being a mom? But the overpowering question I faced was, Oh my Lord, How am I going to get through that again! I am terrified. I slowly discovered the truth behind birth and maternity care in the United States and am proud to say I have found a true passion in natural birth, the practice of midwifery, and the trust I am now able to place in what women are meant to do. Because of Bella, I found the ability to trust myself, and to appreciate both of our children for how amazing they really are.
So, here I am, with the newfound respect I have for life and how precious both of my kiddos are. How precious my family of four (plus our dog) really is.Thats not to say I didnt appreciate Jax- but it is to say that since I have two babies, I realize more often than not how fast they grow, how amazing it is to see them learn, and how special even the little moments are. How amazing it is to see my four year old affectionately sing a song to his little sister, or how much we'll always remember their first smiles. I also realize how many things I am passionate about because of them- natural childbirth, attachment parenting, breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering, and even a glass of good wine! I will be here to share my experiences while I discover the many more ways I can try to be a 'good mom', while I surprise even myself with some of the choices I make for them. Wish Me Luck!
Navigating the many choices, actions, and decisions there are for children is nothing new for any family. I have found, however, that with our second child, Bella, who is 8 weeks old, the choices we have made for her have affirmed the confidence and intuition I have as a mother and this has given me the ability to trust myself to know what is right for us and what is not. Jax, who is four now, is an energetic, vibrant ball of precocious who tested my limits and fears from day one of being pregnant. As a toddler and preschooler Jax has often taken the brunt of my busy schedule, with me running off to work early in the morning only to get stuck there late. (Thank GOODNESS for the family I am blessed with to be there to help so much!) I often gave in to the advice or admonishments of others and doubted myself to be able to do what I knew deep down would be good for him- natural birth? I hoped for it but did not arm myself (or the Hubs)with the right information, ending in a terrible, side-effect riddled induction where Jax teetered on the edge of losing him. Breastfeeding? I depended upon the trust I had with the Lactation Consultant the hospital had, who was a joke and could offer no helpful advice, and we ultimately failed. No matter how much I love Jax, deep down I was left with the feeling I had somehow let him down. I swore I would never have another baby, after the experience we had bringing Jax into the world. Why on Earth would someone want to go through that again?
Fast forward to the day we found out Bella would be joining our world. There I was, elated to have this discovery, but at the same time, panicked! The thoughts of everyday things went through my mind, How will it work with two? What about money and my job? What about the times I question if I'm cut out for being a mom to ONE, let alone two? What about the fact that I've always lusted after the idea of NOT having a job and just concentrating on the REAL job, being a mom? But the overpowering question I faced was, Oh my Lord, How am I going to get through that again! I am terrified. I slowly discovered the truth behind birth and maternity care in the United States and am proud to say I have found a true passion in natural birth, the practice of midwifery, and the trust I am now able to place in what women are meant to do. Because of Bella, I found the ability to trust myself, and to appreciate both of our children for how amazing they really are.
So, here I am, with the newfound respect I have for life and how precious both of my kiddos are. How precious my family of four (plus our dog) really is.Thats not to say I didnt appreciate Jax- but it is to say that since I have two babies, I realize more often than not how fast they grow, how amazing it is to see them learn, and how special even the little moments are. How amazing it is to see my four year old affectionately sing a song to his little sister, or how much we'll always remember their first smiles. I also realize how many things I am passionate about because of them- natural childbirth, attachment parenting, breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering, and even a glass of good wine! I will be here to share my experiences while I discover the many more ways I can try to be a 'good mom', while I surprise even myself with some of the choices I make for them. Wish Me Luck!
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